Aashik taught me about cricket yesterday. I'd love to watch the big India/Pakistan match next week with him .... sitting on his couch with our feet up in socks. Maybe me taking pictures of him cheering or jeering the screen .... but the kids are still on Spring Break next week. And he couldn't watch it over here because of the time difference. It'll probably be playing at 6am.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Aashik
I spent a breathtaking weekend with Zi. Maybe I should start calling him Aashik here on this blog.
I love him so much. I want him. I want him in my life forever. I want to marry him. To have a commitment ceremony. To have his baby. To visit India with him. I need him. I cannot imagine living life without him now. It is unfathomable.
I gave him everything.
And I want to continue that everyday.
Watching him walk around in his apartment in his pajamas was to die for.
And when we shower, he washes my hair.
And when we have 'sex,' he whispers "my baby." It kills me. O My God, I love this man.
I'm hearing more stories of Aashik's past. I heard some today while we video chatted on gmail. If we don't see each other, we try to video chat with each other daily. We also text each other constantly. :) And I don't feel weird calling and talking to him just to hear his voice. I don't feel weird staring in his eyes. And I can't do that with anyone.
I love him so much. I want him. I want him in my life forever. I want to marry him. To have a commitment ceremony. To have his baby. To visit India with him. I need him. I cannot imagine living life without him now. It is unfathomable.
I gave him everything.
And I want to continue that everyday.
Watching him walk around in his apartment in his pajamas was to die for.
And when we shower, he washes my hair.
And when we have 'sex,' he whispers "my baby." It kills me. O My God, I love this man.
I'm hearing more stories of Aashik's past. I heard some today while we video chatted on gmail. If we don't see each other, we try to video chat with each other daily. We also text each other constantly. :) And I don't feel weird calling and talking to him just to hear his voice. I don't feel weird staring in his eyes. And I can't do that with anyone.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Joy and Euphoria
Jesus.
I mean really.
Zi is so beautiful and perfect and hot and sexy and unique and ...
I feel whole and complete since I've been with him.
He just left. We had had our "pretend" sex and had laid naked in each other's arms for hours. After one 'session', I'm lying on his stomach, his cock between my breasts.
"I want to have your baby," I whisper.
"Really?" He is almost has fear in his voice. "Look at me."
I look in his eyes. They are slightly red from the late hour and the emotion now splayed across his face.
"Do you really?" he asks.
"Yes." I nod. "I don't know how to make that a reality, but yes." I say this because DH doesn't want anymore children and this is one of the reasons having an open marriage fills him with dread. "I'm too old," I add in for good measure. (I'm about to turn 37.)
"You're not too old."
"I mean it might be too dangerous. For the baby, I mean."
He is stroking my hair and holding my face. He looks in my eyes and then at my hair in his fingers. He nods at my words, but is still smiling at me in an almost reverential way.
"It doesn't matter. Just that you said it is good enough. I can already see him. He'll have ... he or she will have your blue eyes --"
"And your black hair," I interject.
We name them.
Isamar if it's a girl and Faiz if it's a boy.
I want it.
During a 'session' soon after that conversation he said, "Do you want me to make you pregnant? Is that what you want?" And god help me, my pussy squeezed and I gasped. 'Course, he was also breathing in my ear and kissing my neck.
And his cock was rubbing up against my clit.
So yeah.
I gasped.
But. I think. That it was really because of the thought of me pregnant with his baby turned me on.
I mean really.
Zi is so beautiful and perfect and hot and sexy and unique and ...
I feel whole and complete since I've been with him.
He just left. We had had our "pretend" sex and had laid naked in each other's arms for hours. After one 'session', I'm lying on his stomach, his cock between my breasts.
"I want to have your baby," I whisper.
"Really?" He is almost has fear in his voice. "Look at me."
I look in his eyes. They are slightly red from the late hour and the emotion now splayed across his face.
"Do you really?" he asks.
"Yes." I nod. "I don't know how to make that a reality, but yes." I say this because DH doesn't want anymore children and this is one of the reasons having an open marriage fills him with dread. "I'm too old," I add in for good measure. (I'm about to turn 37.)
"You're not too old."
"I mean it might be too dangerous. For the baby, I mean."
He is stroking my hair and holding my face. He looks in my eyes and then at my hair in his fingers. He nods at my words, but is still smiling at me in an almost reverential way.
"It doesn't matter. Just that you said it is good enough. I can already see him. He'll have ... he or she will have your blue eyes --"
"And your black hair," I interject.
We name them.
Isamar if it's a girl and Faiz if it's a boy.
I want it.
During a 'session' soon after that conversation he said, "Do you want me to make you pregnant? Is that what you want?" And god help me, my pussy squeezed and I gasped. 'Course, he was also breathing in my ear and kissing my neck.
And his cock was rubbing up against my clit.
So yeah.
I gasped.
But. I think. That it was really because of the thought of me pregnant with his baby turned me on.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Uncertainty
Zi keeps making sounds like he's leaving. He gave thirty days notice at his apartment, with no future plans. I keep holding out hope that he's not leaving, and that he'll stay with me while he looks for work. He can't leave. I need him. I want him.
He asked me.
He did.
He asked me to come to India with him.
He said I'd live like a queen. Literally.
He'd take care of me and cook for me everyday and make me tea.
He wants me.
He loves me.
I want to go with him. To follow him.
But I can't leave the kids.
Zi and I cried together.
He doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to leave me behind.
He said so.
He asked me.
He did.
He asked me to come to India with him.
He said I'd live like a queen. Literally.
He'd take care of me and cook for me everyday and make me tea.
He wants me.
He loves me.
I want to go with him. To follow him.
But I can't leave the kids.
Zi and I cried together.
He doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to leave me behind.
He said so.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Body Blow
Zi lost his job today.
We're both terrified that he'll need to move now in order to find a job.
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
We cried together this afternoon.
He said that he loved me and he always had -- since the first day he met me. That he'd been dreading this day, but that he'd just hoped it would have been much later.
That sounded an awful lot like a good-bye. :(
More later.
We're both terrified that he'll need to move now in order to find a job.
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
We cried together this afternoon.
He said that he loved me and he always had -- since the first day he met me. That he'd been dreading this day, but that he'd just hoped it would have been much later.
That sounded an awful lot like a good-bye. :(
More later.
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