Monday, May 21, 2012

fly on the wall cam

masturbated
ate a bagel
looked for writing jobs
texted Zi
played with my Nook (tried to download an update but failed to figure out how)
thought of a book review I wanted to write
opened windows to the Spring morning
thought about making chai, taking the dog for a walk, and doing kriya. but didn't. but will.
listened to starred collection on Spotify while trying again with the Nook.
Success!
looked for more writing jobs
let the dog out
remembered about still undone homework
spent way too much time on my ok cupid iPhone app
promised the dog a walk
took a shower
thought a lot about the futility of dating someone new when I'm still in love with Zi
rested on the couch with my snack and answered a bunch more questions on the aforementioned app
napped
forced myself up
regretted staying up until 3am reading the night before
turned off the Arabic Flamenco music
let the dog out
added two years to my age range on ok cupid
forced myself to do homework
finished my homework and posted it
got dressed
thought how much this year has aged me. in my face and my body. (Funny. I've both been awakened to gloriousness, and my eyes and soul have sparkled in love and devotion to my eternal Man, ... and conversely shrouded myself in widow whites for the depression and scratchiness and raw pain of loving someone you cannot have -- and the kicker is -- he loves me back. Layla and Majnun. Only it is I who feel like Majnun. And my Layla is married to New Jersey, against her will.)
checked emails
drank water
made a to do list
went for promised walk
looked for kurtis online. more expensive than I was hoping for.
ate a banana
read online magazine called Khabar
remembered more homework
made popcorn
super tired thinking of my to do list



This is what depression looked like last weekend. I'm feeling a little better today. Yesterday I was angry with Zi and threw a milk carton at the wall. I've never done that before.

Zi talked me into a better mood. More hopeful. Yesterday was bad. But today will be good.
Inshallah.


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