The nights are the worst.
During the days I can keep myself distracted with work, errands, my kids, my friends, writing .... but at night I feel haunted.
Like a hideous victim of a car bombing. Like I just watched a person die in front of me. Like I'm in shock.
That kind of haunted.
I stare a lot. In the night. I stare at the floor. At my alarm clock. At my pillow. I smell my pillow at night. I've sprayed it with his cologne, so that, when I close my eyes, I can pretend he is sleeping in the bed next to me.
But, I'll not despair. (Said with rallying spirit.) TOMORROW I am going dildo shopping. UhHuh.
And on that note -- I'm going to bed. Hopefully this smile will follow me there, instead of the fear of climbing into the empty bed that smells of my Zi.
"I miss you so, Aashik. Tum meri sooraj ho."
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